The beautiful Joelle, @femmefitale, started a series of blog posts a couple of months ago with letters to our ‘pre-fitness’ selves (you can read them here, http://femmefitale.com/). I have literally drafted one a million times and deleted all of them, but this morning felt right. So, here I am. Enjoy.
Well, uh, hi there (I wish I could say that you get better with intros, but yeah no, still awkward as heck). The next three years for you will be absolutely crazy, the first two in particular. I’m not going to bullshit you (I’m a little sassier on the occasion now, FYI), there will be some really hard times sandwiched in between some really good ones, and then sandwiched again with some average ones – you’ll make a butt ton of mistakes between all of these.
This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense right now, but let me explain some of your experiences…
You will compete.
I know you are nearly losing your shit with excitement reading this, so yes, you will step on the WBFF stage following 22 weeks of dieting. The process will be hard, and you will struggle ALOT. Mentioning pulling out will pop up on occasion but come show day, your hard work will be evident to yourself and everyone around you and you will be so proud. You will strut your stuff like you have an alter ego (YO, wassup Beyonschae), and you have a WHOLE lot of fun looking like you just stepped out of glamorous version of Willy Wonka. Here’s the thing though…
You don’t end up loving it for the reasons that you thought you would.
You don’t love it because you have abs, get to look like a shredded Dorito, have shoulder striations or a glute-hamstring tie in (although fun), no. You love it because it becomes the biggest platform for you to connect with other women on. By sharing your journey and the hard times, others become willing to share theirs with you, too. They let you in on a little piece of who they are, what background they come from, and where they plan to go in the future. In return, you make some beautiful relationships and I can’t explain how much this will mean to you.
For this reason you won’t regret even one of those 22 weeks of dieting, countless sessions of weights/cardio, or the hours you spent meal prepping – that platform helps you find an unexplainable amount of happiness in talking with and helping others (and them helping you without knowing it), it allows you to find direction, and most of all, plays part in shaping the person you are today.
Embrace this, completely.
You will fall in love with strength training, Powerlifting in particular.
Yes, it’s true. Despite what you once thought about ‘powerlifters’, you fall head over heels in love with this sport, the people involved in it and how it makes you feel. It is one of your first, and biggest goals in your fitness journey that isn’t directly related to aesthetics – and this brings you so much joy. You begin to move with purpose, your face lights up when you talk about training, you start to admire strength as an artistic and creative skill, appreciate your body for the space it takes up, love your legs for how much weight they can move, learn a great deal about patience, and get you’ll get an insane high each time you share this kind of training with others.
You benefit so much from this sport in 6 months, mentally and emotionally.
And physically, you get the greatest gift of all.
You’ll start to understand the meaning of self-love.
You don’t believe this, I know, but the person here today writing this does – trust me.
You will spend many years hating your body, wishing things were different about your legs or your arms or your butt. 2015 is the year where things begin to change. You start to welcome everything about yourself, and not in regards to your body composition (although that comes unintentionally). Instead, your focus shifts from all that exterior stuff, and you start looking within that outer shell that you inhibit to all the things that make you who you are, intrinsically.
Things like your kindness to those around you. Your ability to make others laugh through writing. The fact that you will never be able to wink but people nearly piss themselves watching you so you give it another try anyways. How you hold yourself emotionally. Your compassion for other people and their stories. How you can lose yourself completely in reading. The way you can make people genuinely happy momentarily, and how you start to believe that this kind of stuff is actually okay to admit.
And by doing this, all those things that you CAN’T change about yourself, your ‘outer shell’, also become pretty damn cool as well.
Like those two freckles above your lip that people mistake for cookie crumbs or ice cream (both realistic options, I don’t judge). How your cheeks will always be a little chubby regardless of how lean you are (don’t pinch them though, K?). The way in which your smile lights up your face, and how that same smile can help light up someone else’s. That people can identify you through your goofy laugh in the supermarket. The little bumps on your arm that represent a little unknown mixture that didn’t go so well in your parents genes. Even that cellulite that is accumulating on your ass day by day because its a reflection of your journey.
You will have bad days, don’t get me wrong, but the good start to out weigh them and your smile reflects that.
Again, trust me.
‘Fitness’ and the industry that comes with it will give you a lot.
It will slowly teach you to love the little things about your character, and the things that you can’t physically change. It will also allow you to see some things you loathe, but help you find the opportunity to work on them.
It’ll give you the platform to start discussions about important topics through blogging. And the discussions that come out of that will impact greatly on not only yourself, but others who have also been in a similar situation.
It’ll help ‘Schae’, become Schae, as she starts to figure out this whole #fitness thing and how she wants to navigate through it.
And the biggest/coolest/most tremendous gift of all that this whole fitness journey will help you find…
The ability to embrace little parts of your most authentic and genuine self again.
So hello, my pre-fitness self, you have a huge journey ahead of you.
But I promise that its way more than worth it.
All my love and awkwardness,
Beyonschae/Schae the two freckles above lip that looks like cookie girl.
One thought on “A Letter To My Pre-Fitness Self”
Amazing read, thank you!