I think that too often we shy away from conversations of importance, finishing them as an individual instead of voicing them aloud in fear of judgement and vulnerability. I’m not exempt from this by any means, which is why I want to continue a conversation that I started so long ago.
I want to address my weight gain post comp because in hindsight, I have only ever communicated to you all what that 7kgs I’ve put on has taken away from me, and not what it’s given back. I’ve done what most of us do, and associated negative thoughts and feelings with the idea of gaining weight, which in turn, has prevented me to see the reality of the situation. The reality that gaining a significant amount of weight for my frame has actually done quite the opposite of what we are led to believe – it’s bred positvity.
The 7kgs I have gained since May has slowly given me pieces of my life back (plus a little extra), while taking away what I once considered to be extremely ‘aesthetic’ and admirable. It’s given me friendships back, its sparked new ones, it’s given me more time with my family, more time to explore new hobbies, to write and to read, to try new food, to travel the world with mental ease, to have a functioning body again, and perhaps the most significant of all – it’s given me a new perspective on beauty and what I truly find ‘beautiful’ in a person.
I don’t have abs anymore. I don’t have shoulder striations. I don’t have 24/7 leg cuts. I don’t have a lean frame, and I’ve come to realise that I simply don’t care anymore when I consider the above. I can’t regret something that has breathed so much life back into my bones, nor can I regret a single kg that has equally gained its worth in intrinsic beauty, to me.
This is the conversation I should have had when I posted a throwback photo the other day on my Instagram (@beyonschae) from earlier this year. The conversation that encourages you to break the mould of viewing weight gain or weight loss at opposing and exclusive ends of the scale. Because this is where I am, that is where I was, and I’m telling you that it’s not always the case.
There is a new perspective to be gained in everything we do and I truly encourage you to never stop searching for it regardless of what we are led to believe as a society. Once you get there, do me a favour and talk about it.
All my love.